I’m just going to preface this with 2018 was interesting and difficult. So if you are here for a beautiful round up like you saw all day yesterday on Instagram then this might not be what you want.
2018 was the year of confusion, challenges, difficulty and then rising finally in December to realize and see the future. And what I will openly say that without the struggle you will have a hard time coming to your truth.
Started the year in a slump, finished university over a year and still had no clue where I wanted to be or who I really was. Always battling this internal nagging which was to not go for the things that I wanted. I am a huge introvert, I would rather be sitting on my bed and watching TV then being anywhere else. This blog you are reading was something that I said I would do for years, without the push from my loved ones I would have never started to actually write. I love writing, I love photography but I could never take a big enough jump until this September and while I’m still slow to write. I will love this blog for all of 2019.
My boyfriend was finishing school and graduated in June. Little did we know that literally 5 days later we would pack all of our things and come to Halifax because he was offered a job. We now have lived in Halifax for basically 6 months. Wow, half a year spent here. That is crazy to put down in words. Shit.
Mentally this is my biggest challenge, being away from my loved ones has literally wrecked me. The first month of living here I cried basically everyday. I missed home and I missed my mom. I couldn’t imagine creating anything other then the life that we had their. Because to me that life was the ideal and I didn’t know it then but I know it now. That life in Newfoundland while faulted and not exactly perfect was my ideal life, surrounded by my people.
Halifax is beautiful, do not get me wrong, I am not taking for granted everything that is here but when you finally come to terms of what you actually want in your life. Once that light shines, boom, it’s hard to take your mind off of it. I can finally see more clearly everything that I want.
2018 also gave me a stomach Ulcer, or well I gave myself one because of the anxiety of moving and leaving my HUGE comfort zone. And let’s just discuss this bullshit that people talk about you need to leave your comfort zone in order to create this new life you seek. Why can I not live in an environment that is comfortable but still challenge myself through other ways. I don’t know, I think there is something to be said of creating the life you want from inside the life you were raised. As for the Ulcer, so good for now, been on medication for the last 4 months really, and I’m doing alright now but I basically survived on Costco Chicken burgers and french fries because they didn’t make me sit on a toilet.
I know this has been all over the place, and maybe it’s more of a stream of consciousness than anything else but I find it relaxing and important to just write for the sake of it. Maybe something that you read here and can understand that while my Instagram is pretty doesn’t mean that everything else you don’t see isn’t a huge fucking mess, just like everyone elses.
2019, I plan on living and breathing throughout this year into something that is beautiful. My “theme” for the year is HAPPINESS. It’s as simple as that, I want to create, create, create and embrace everything that I am. So this being said I know their will be more challenges but for once I think I will handle everything with positivity. Thank you this has been my TEDtalk.