I miss you.
It’s been three years now and I still find most days difficult without you. You came to visit me this year on my birthday through my dreams.
I just want to know if you can see what’s happening. Have you met Evan? He loves you very much and misses you just like I do. What about Mom? I know you are keeping an eye on her. Married for 35 years... Can you believe it?! She misses you.
Did you know that we named our new dog after you? Her name is Ali, after your middle name. She snores all the time like you did, and honestly, she has the smelliest farts, but you’d be proud of her having your name.
It’s been a whirlwind, Dad, since you left. We tried going on without you but it’s so hard to have a person who has formed your being just leave. Since you left, I thought I would write to you. We never had a true funeral because that’s not something you wanted, so here’s what I would like to say now in remembrance of you.
Thank you all for coming here, viewers and readers. I thank you all for your continued support during this difficult time. From my family to all of you, I appreciate all the words of comfort.
Dad, James, Jamie, Daddy (like you would ever let me call you anything besides Dad): I am standing here missing you every minute since we said goodbye. We said goodbye 10 days before you departed this beautiful earth.
You taught me how to be kind towards the world, to see life through your positive eyes. I can’t thank you enough for your light.
You taught me how to have a conversation. I love you for teaching me that foundations are built on talking. If there was one thing you had it was the gift for gab - you could talk and talk. Every time you came home from work or I came home from school, we would sit in the kitchen at the table and discuss literally everything. You were a master conversationalist. You would trap people the minute they came upstairs into the living room. No matter who they were, they needed to have a conversation with you before they ever got to go anywhere else in the house. My friends would be there for close to 30 minutes and I’d come out completely worried about where they were, thinking that they were late, but in reality they have been sat on the couch with you the whole time. You taught me that spending time with people that I love is the way to appreciate each other.
I know some of the best conversations were still yet to come with us, and I look forward to at least having them in my dreams, Dad. While I understand and appreciate each conversation that we were allowed. In my head, I can see you and Evan sitting on our leather couches, just chatting. I am the most sad thinking about how Evan missed out on a Best Friend, because Dad you would have loved him. Mom does.
It breaks my heart to continue to create a life without you, but I know you are watching. I still see your signs everywhere.
You helped me come to realize who I am as a person. You always told me I was dramatic and, while that seems negative, I think it’s pure positive because I am dramatic. I’m so much like you and that makes me happy. I get to carry you on within me.
You were amazing at being a father. You dedicated all your time to supporting Matthew and I with all of our sports and activities. I remember spending countless hours in a hockey rink watching Matthew playing hockey. Every little idea I had, you thought was a good one and encouraged me to run with it. The support that you and Mom had for the both of us was insane. You poured out love for us and I am so thankful for every little thing you did for us. I am so proud to be your daughter.
You would do these little drawings, something about engineering. God, Dad, you would have been amazing at engineering.
I still remember when you would come home from your trips throughout the island, whether it be from work or up to the cabin. Sometimes you would bring home an amazing TY and I could cuddle them all day long. And you’d tuck in Peking and Humphrey. Mom kept them, don’t you worry (we all know she’s a pack rat, anyways).
I could go on and on with stories of how much you literally changed me and gave me life. You were my best friend - it’s as simple as that. Any successes, any grievances, any issue - you were the one I wanted to come to. You would try to fix everything for me, because I was your baby girl. Sometimes I still text your number because I miss you so much. Thank you for teaching me everything you could during your short time with me.
Unfortunately, you were taken too early from this life and never got to see everything that will unfold from now. But we had you for 59 beautiful years, where you could teach us how to laugh continuously, to try and not take life so seriously, to be kind, and to search for the true purpose of this life. You taught me more than I could ever imagine and I honestly hold you in my heart everyday. Thank you for everything you did and continue to do for me now. This family will always be missing something without you but we plan on making you incredibly proud.
I love you as wide as my arms can go.
P.S.: Dad, I got that tattoo on my arm. I miss you.